Learning

Living with someone is an adjustment if you've never done it before. I've lived with my parents and brother my entire existence. Out of nowhere I now am going to be a wife. Living with a male other than the two I've known my entire life is different. You learn to love that person flaws and all and you learn how to except them, grow with them, fix them or adapt.

I'm very good at adapting to things I've had to do that most of my life. When a man's flaws aren't terrible and are something you can live with it's not so bad. I must not forget this is still new. We are both in this together and learning how things work. I'm trying not to over think details that do not exist.

Why do we let ourselves be consumed by pure evil thoughts? By things that are not of God? Tonight, I asked him something that made him feel like I'm not trusting..I am.....but I'm not . I go off other people's experiences, my past and some other people's present. I do not live in the now. I do not live with a day by day strategy.

There are things you learn about each other in the process of this whole thing. "Dating" is such a cover up story to some couples I think. A lot of people don't want to marry or move in, I think because then you would be not only limiting yourself blah blah but you must show that person who you are. You become vulnerable to the next extreme. At risk of being murdered emotionally, mentally and sending your heart into the meat grinder.

I told myself I would never find anyone to tolerate me. I told myself I was meant for the cat world, I told myself so many things that just weren't true. I spoke to the lord and I asked him I said look, when you find the guy for me let me know I don't need this.

I was stuck for a long time. Until the lord sent him to me. I saw past a lot of his flaws and things I didn't know I could love about a person. He has kinks but who doesn't? Rome wasn't built in a day and no one is perfect. I keep forgetting. The one thing about us two is that from the beginning we didn't put on a show for each other we said take it or leave it. I took it, He took it. I have faith It needs to be stronger.

I will pray for the strength to not look at what other's look at. Looking at the heart, the heart is full of love. I need to stop wanting things in return. Love does not expect wage.

Be careful what you think, your thoughts run your life. Proverbs 4:23 

 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Commit your work to the Lord, and then your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3