Susanna Kaysen; Girl, Interrupted

• I know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can’t. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
• Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.
•  With wild eyes that had seen freedom
•  As far as I could see, life demanded skills I didn't have 
• “I was trying to explain my situation to myself. My situation was that I was in pain and nobody knew it, even I had trouble knowing it. So I told myself, over and over, You are in pain. It was the only way I could get through to myself. I was demonstrating externally and irrefutably an inward condition.
•  The point is, the brain talks to itself, and by talking to itself changes its perceptions. To make a new version of the not-entirely-false model, imagine the first interpreter as a foreign correspondent, reporting from the world.
• When I was supposed to be awake, I was asleep. When I was supposed to sleep, I was silent. When a pleasure offered itself to me, I avoided it. 
• Emptiness and boredom: what an understatement. What I felt was complete desolation. Desolation, despair, and depression. isn't there some other way to look at this? After all, angst of these dimensions is a luxury item. You need to be well fed, clothes, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. 
• I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't.
• It was a spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of
  warm earth. Suicide weather. 

“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” — Zora Neale Hurston

“When you have cancer, people send flowers; when you lose your mind, they don’t." -Elyn R. Saks

“I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.”  -Winona Ryder

“My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.” -

Laurell K. Hamilton

“But…as bad as it was, I learned something about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive. I mean, I know it could have been worse—a lot worse— but for me, it was all I could have handled at the time. And I learned from it.” -Nicholas Sparks, Dear John 

“You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad."

“You tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake…You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.”
— Warsan Shire 

untitled.

Romanticisation of Mental Illness, Kelsey Weaver

Message of Love.

I keep having this reoccurring vision my mind tries to prepare for,

Obviously a dreamlike one that my dad will somehow know where I am

And knock on the door to see me first and explain everything was a mistake.

There was a reason he had to ‘fake’ everything.

I nearly pass out, cry, and start screaming at him!

Getting upset then about an hour later I am so happy,

filled with joy and realize that all of my pain seemed to go away.

It wasn’t there anymore and I am ecstatic because he isn't gone after all,

the best part about it all is he gets too meet Randall.

Later, He goes and embraces my mother again she becomes herself again

And my brother becomes the man I’d hoped he be, all things somehow get better.

Yeah, just a silly dream.   

So long since I’ve had you near.

Roses never fade.

-Sarah 

Mockingbird.

Have you ever loved something so much you were afraid of losing it? That's me. 
I haven't loved someone so much in a long time. Other than my mother and father. After my father's passing I hid in the shadows of life. I loved my mother and my brother and feared losing them all the time. 

After I found my soon to be husband it was another thing on the list I feared losing. There's nobody like him, anywhere at all. I truly believe my mother and I found the only two compassionate loving men in this world. Sadly, one is gone now. I have mine..I don't want to lose him. 

My father was the only man in my earthly life I was devoted too next to Jesus. But Jesus was in heaven...But now so is my dad it's such a sad reality I wake up to every morning. Then before I start to hurt I remember they both gave me my fiance. I remember they sent him to me for a reason, to help me through all this. Then I feel better. 

Things go accordingly when you include the lord in your plans. I ask him all the time to help me with such ideas I have in my head. So far he's given me so much to be thankful for...So much to be relieved about . It all took a bit of time an some bumpy heartaches but i'm here and i've learned quite afew things along the way haven't I? 

I suppose I did. Prayer's for me and those like me.