Susanna Kaysen; Girl, Interrupted

• I know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can’t. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
• Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.
•  With wild eyes that had seen freedom
•  As far as I could see, life demanded skills I didn't have 
• “I was trying to explain my situation to myself. My situation was that I was in pain and nobody knew it, even I had trouble knowing it. So I told myself, over and over, You are in pain. It was the only way I could get through to myself. I was demonstrating externally and irrefutably an inward condition.
•  The point is, the brain talks to itself, and by talking to itself changes its perceptions. To make a new version of the not-entirely-false model, imagine the first interpreter as a foreign correspondent, reporting from the world.
• When I was supposed to be awake, I was asleep. When I was supposed to sleep, I was silent. When a pleasure offered itself to me, I avoided it. 
• Emptiness and boredom: what an understatement. What I felt was complete desolation. Desolation, despair, and depression. isn't there some other way to look at this? After all, angst of these dimensions is a luxury item. You need to be well fed, clothes, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. 
• I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't.
• It was a spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of
  warm earth. Suicide weather. 

Message of Love.

I keep having this reoccurring vision my mind tries to prepare for,

Obviously a dreamlike one that my dad will somehow know where I am

And knock on the door to see me first and explain everything was a mistake.

There was a reason he had to ‘fake’ everything.

I nearly pass out, cry, and start screaming at him!

Getting upset then about an hour later I am so happy,

filled with joy and realize that all of my pain seemed to go away.

It wasn’t there anymore and I am ecstatic because he isn't gone after all,

the best part about it all is he gets too meet Randall.

Later, He goes and embraces my mother again she becomes herself again

And my brother becomes the man I’d hoped he be, all things somehow get better.

Yeah, just a silly dream.   

So long since I’ve had you near.

Roses never fade.

-Sarah