Susanna Kaysen; Girl, Interrupted

• I know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can’t. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
• Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.
•  With wild eyes that had seen freedom
•  As far as I could see, life demanded skills I didn't have 
• “I was trying to explain my situation to myself. My situation was that I was in pain and nobody knew it, even I had trouble knowing it. So I told myself, over and over, You are in pain. It was the only way I could get through to myself. I was demonstrating externally and irrefutably an inward condition.
•  The point is, the brain talks to itself, and by talking to itself changes its perceptions. To make a new version of the not-entirely-false model, imagine the first interpreter as a foreign correspondent, reporting from the world.
• When I was supposed to be awake, I was asleep. When I was supposed to sleep, I was silent. When a pleasure offered itself to me, I avoided it. 
• Emptiness and boredom: what an understatement. What I felt was complete desolation. Desolation, despair, and depression. isn't there some other way to look at this? After all, angst of these dimensions is a luxury item. You need to be well fed, clothes, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. 
• I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't.
• It was a spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of
  warm earth. Suicide weather. 

“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” — Zora Neale Hurston

“When you have cancer, people send flowers; when you lose your mind, they don’t." -Elyn R. Saks

“I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.”  -Winona Ryder

“My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.” -

Laurell K. Hamilton

“But…as bad as it was, I learned something about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive. I mean, I know it could have been worse—a lot worse— but for me, it was all I could have handled at the time. And I learned from it.” -Nicholas Sparks, Dear John 

“You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad."

“You tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake…You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.”
— Warsan Shire 

Believing in Christ.

I was watching Hellbound? this documentary on everyone’s different perception on hell and if some are going or if no one is going. I can’t really understand why this is such a ”confusing topic” The bible states these things in black and white. I couldn’t believe how many pastors are preaching the wrong thing as well. One preacher was flat out saying “God hates everyone right now, literally hates you!!”  One preacher was saying “don’t panic! If God loves you and his children then no one will go to hell” One man was saying that the description of hell Jesus spoke of in Revelation was about an event that had already occurred. “Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth” Giving some people a sigh of relief thinking that when they die it’ll be a purgatory like a time out until you realize he is real! which gives us more time to sin and not worry! NO! That’s a trap! Westboro Baptist church members, and the Mark Driscoll-like leaders, do not stand for my Christ! 

I sitting here thinking like….What is wrong some christian’s/people today actually believing that. They’re following false prophets which the bible clearly warned us against and how to look for them.  "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15

However,  I can sorta feel why some partial believer’s, non believer’s, spiritual people would like to believe this notion that when they die they will go straight to paradise. They like this notion because it’s gives them sinful freedom. Basically saying “I don’t have to believe because your God apparently loves me and I don’t have to worry about the eternal punishment you speak of” Or the partial believer’s who think “I’m skeptic but I go to church and give to the poor so I’ll be fine on judgement day” etc. etc. Think of your own examples. 

The bible, if you seriously read it! gives you clear instruction of what can happen if you don’t accept Jesus. Before Jesus we were all in trouble! But God didn’t want to be so far from us! He loves us so much! So he gave up his only son up for sacrifice so that we all will have a beautiful afterlife forever with him!

Here’s a scenario I was thinking about…
There are so many people who get so hurt when we say..Well, if you don’t believe in Jesus and help yourself you are going to be punished. I mean I don’t know if there’s an easier way to explain it..It sounds really harsh but it’s reality. But God is our heavenly FATHER so guess what he’s our parent. Our creator and we aren’t listening to him! What happens when you don’t listen to your parents? not all good things happen, What happens when you break the law? you go to jail! Everything has consequences so why shouldn’t your afterlife be the same ordeal? 

Think about this: 

How many lies have you told your whole life? 
Have you ever stolen?
Have you lusted?
Have you been greedy?
Have you ever been insanely jealous?
Have you ever spoken the lord’s name in vain?
Have you denied belief?
have you ever betrayed someone?
If you have said yes to atleast all of these things then that makes you a 

Liar
Thief
Selfish person
Adulterer 
jealous person
Blasphemer 
Doubter
Judas Iscariot 
That’s probably a penny of what Judgement Day would be like. So I’m thinking for those who believe that in the end they’re all ”saved”…Well, If you knew a person whom you cared for  did all these things against you personally and your family would be coming over to dinner after you’ve tried your best to be polite to them, Help them repeatedly, believe that there was hope they’d change and stop doing those things to you and your family? and on top of it you’ve had the hardest week of your life! Literally! Would you want them over? Do you think they would deserve the comforts of your home? The delicious food that you and your family made? And worked so hard for? Allow them to enjoy your company? Allow them to rejoice in joy? Think about it. 


Why should Our heavenly father allow people to who do not believe in him, Who mock him, Who constantly choose willingly to ignore his word, Who choose willingly to side with the devil. Who rebel against everything he has ever asked allow you to come to his gates and open them to you? Why? Because you gave a homeless person 5 cents when you were 20? NO! 

You cannot enter the kingdom of heaven on acts of kindness and being a good person! Not how it works.  Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6  and Secondly For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18 With that no one is a perfectly good person. You’re a human being coming from Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve sinned against God because they were tempted by Lucifer. 

The lord God will always love you! This is the biggest misconception a lot of false teacher’s preach. Like I said he’s our father. If you do something wrong he will be disappointed and hope you choose correct, repent and try again! Your sins are forgiven 70X7! forever and ever! His love is unconditional and endures forever. So please don’t believe that he hates you, he doesn’t love you, has abandoned you! Seek him! talk to him the best relationship you’ll ever have is with the lord! 

When the end of your life comes and you do not accept Jesus well, then unfortunately, you don’t get to be home with him. There is only so much heartbreak a parent can take from a child who doesn’t want to know him, love him, and denies him. He gives you a choice! You get to choose your path. Choose wisely 

And for all those Lucifer fans just so you know he’ll be there laughing and he is the accuser so he’s not on anyone’s side but his own he is sin.

 We were given a way out of this though. Through Jesus Christ! He died for us and rose again so they we may live! 

This wasn’t to judge or to point fingers this was to point out false teaching and make you think….Will I really be in heaven? Do I really deserve to be there? At heart no one on this earth deserves to be there! But with JESUS CHRIST WE DO!

 I want everyone to come to Christ and rejoice! So that we all will be together in Heaven! 

God Bless <3